McChurch - Even the Pews are Saved

McChurch – “Left Behind” at the Resurrection?

I am having far too much fun at the expense of the Billy-Bob church in Texas that cancelled the funeral of a gay veteran because of the potential that it would “send the wrong message that we endorse the lifestyle,” or some such rationale.

The pastor of that church, you may recall, is the brother-in-law of Joel “My-lips-never-leave-my-mouth” Osteen, a living legend to what we can do for God if we simply think positively enough and take lessons in mime. God, that Great Gargoyle in the Sky, apparently has tired of small accomplishments building toward big things (the weak confounding the strong) and has surrendered the ground of marketing to American genius.

McChurch is a phenomenon known for its collective righteousness. Noted for hundreds (preferably thousands) of active members and white male pastors with capped teeth, it stands as a reminder that there is safety in numbers. God could not possibly reject so many adherents metaphorically joined at the heart and hip.

“You ought to try our church,” we are told. “The music is out of this world!” Indeed, that is as it should be. For McChurch is a “Christian” church, anxiously waiting the Resurrection.” By its profound coarsening of both theology and politics, it may already have departed, leaving the rest of us to pick up the pieces.

We have morphed from “Christian Church” (as opposed to smaller, less successful churches) to “Christian Nation,” “Christian Company” and “Christian Party” (namely Republican sans Rudy). We even have “Christian Lobbyists,” reminding us that in such a world as we now live, God may well need lobbyists. Now we discover to our astonishment, “Christian Graveyards.”

Christianity being an Abrahamic faith rising out of the person and work of Jesus Christ, I have taken to wondering of late whether Jesus died for countries, companies and graveyards. If so, what kind of a mess will take place at the Resurrection? Taking into consideration that most of us, with the notable exception of the faceless faithful of McChurch, have fallen short of the glory of God, there may be more property rising into the air than there are believers.

After all, if the property is left behind, so also will be some of the keepers of the property. That cannot be permitted to happen in a system of collective righteousness.

Will the corporate records of Christian companies rise with the saints on that Great Day? Will there be any Democrats or Greens; will Dunkin Donuts rise again for the comfort of Republican saints? How about all those gravestones in the “Christian” cemeteries?

I understand that Service Master is a Christian company. Will they be selling franchises in Jerusalem after all the non-believing Jews are slaughtered at Armageddon and where there is neither adequate sanitation nor housing for McChurch?

Did you know that there is “Christian” music and “Christian” books? What a mess that will make at the Resurrection! All those paperbacks and CD’s!

These are questions that demand thoughtful answers – perhaps a Council or two. Maybe there is a way to leave behind the trappings of Christianity in preference to the heart of Christianity – humble, repentant sinners. The problem is, of course, that the heart has been buried under layers of entertainment.

As for me, “My hope is built on nothing less than Scofield’s notes and Scripture
Press!”